Sure he thinks he’s handsome and he even believes that all ugliness (especially ugly people) should be eliminated. But would he do the unthinkable? Murder his neighbor just because she’s…well ugly? Do looks really matter that much?

The Ugly Truth

Am I crazy? Look at me. Could a crazy person look this beautiful? Absolutely not. Do you mind if I smoke? I know…I know it’s such a bad habit. But I get nervous when people stare at me…the way you’re doing now. Of course, I should be used to it. They are always staring at me. Eyes, eyes…big eyes, little eyes, red eyes, yellow eyes, eyes desiring me, eyes undressing me, eyes everywhere, staring, watching me. No escape, not even when I go to sleep. It’s enough to drive any man insane. Well, except for me; I’m not crazy. My only crime is being terribly good-looking.

Smile. You must remember to smile. They like it when you smile. That’s it. Keep smiling.

The others…they didn’t believe me when I told them—repeatedly I might add—that I did not kill that revolting woman. Not one cell in my body is genetically programmed to harm…no matter how hideous that person standing before me may be. And to be honest, it was a challenge, for Mrs. Griffin was hideous, the most hideous woman I have ever encountered.

Ugliness. This is a topic I know about extensively. This surprises you I can tell. A man in my position, adored by so many, and of course, as someone who has achieved international fame, I encounter thousands…no, millions of fans…every minute of the day. Why would I bother with this business of ugliness you’re asking yourself? How could I not find this topic of interest? Isn’t it obvious? It’s not like you need any special powers to see the truth, which I possess by the way…special powers that is. But, unfortunately, I’m surrounded by ugliness. So you see, try as I have, it’s unavoidable.

I must say, with great sorrow, that our world is full of the most atrocious creatures. Is it any wonder that they idolize people who look like me? Besides, I’m not one to hold ugliness against a person. I have always believed that one should do the best with whatever one has been given. And for those poor creatures who weren’t blessed with natural beauty, there are always the masterful hands of a skilled plastic surgeon. For a couple of thousand dollars you can fix any mistakes of nature, aging or just homeliness: total facial reconstruction, laser treatments, hair replacement, and liposuction, etc. You want to look like someone famous…no problem. My face has been sculpted on to the faces of countless frightful mishaps, including three women. So you see, beauty is available to all. If you’re ugly, you’re ugly by choice.

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